Story-formed

As a wearer of glasses, I like that moment when, after squinting across the room to try to see the time on my digital clock, I put on my glasses and everything comes into focus.  I like when the once fuzzy-edged world becomes clear with crisp and defined edges.

That intense focusing is the sense I get as I read Luke 9:51 – “As the time approached for Him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set His face toward Jerusalem.”

Now, I’m not suggesting that His mission was ever fuzzy or unclear but there seems to be a shift (at least in Luke’s story) where Jesus became very determined and set His line of sight upon Jerusalem.  Even though it would still be some time (some say as much as 9 months) before He got there, His vision was fixed and resolute.

I, for one, am glad it was.

As we enter the last full week of Lent and perhaps begin making our Easter Sunday plans, I am struck by the huge dichotomy between Lent/Holy Week and Easter.  One reminds us of self-sacrifice, denial, humility and brokeness.  The latter tells us the story of victory, life, wholeness and exuberance.  But they do not oppose or negate one another; rather they drape one another in beauty and add dimension to each other.  They link arms and become companions on the journey.  While some may say the world is flat, the story we find ourselves in is not!

I find myself in these two opposing but complementary stories each Saturday night as we attend our local gathering.  We are a church family who tends to be far more comfortable on the Easter-side of things.  We talk about victory and redemption with shouts of praise and hands raised in the air.  On the other hand, we gather at a church building owned by a more formally-liturgical denomination.  In the midst of raised hands, the colors of Lent drape the altar area.  It reminds me of our need for rhythms in the church year – for season of humility and repentance to kiss seasons of exuberance.  I am convinced that we need to learn from those of different traditions those things that they know very well.  Then, we may begin to really swim in the depth of this story of our Savior.

But as we come to the end of the Lenten season with Easter in view, as we continue to stay faith in our repentance and allowing the Spirit to search our hearts, all while knowing a “victory celebration” is right around the corner, I don’t want to move too quickly out of Lent because there is always a part of the story I am to carry with me.  “It is important to look at the humiliated and victorious Christ…All through the year we have to stay close to the humiliation as well as the victory of Christ, because we are called to live both in our own daily lives.  We are small and big, specks in the universe and the glory of God, little fearful people and sons and daughters of the Lord of all creation.”  (Henri Nouwen)

Lord, help me to continue to say with the psalmist, “Search me, and know my heart”.   Continue to show me where I do not trust You.  I am weak, lack endurance and, if I were honest, would like to be done with Lent.  Bring back to remembrance the ashes placed on my forehead weeks ago.  And even in the season of Easter, would You help me to feel the weight of their invisible markings.

Just a reminder (or an announcement for those of you who didn’t know) that today many people, governments, and nations will participate in Earth Hour.  It is a simple call to all people to turn out their lights for 1 hour at 8:30 pm local time.  You can check out the official website here.

The way I see it, there are those of you who may roll your eyes at this attempt to “save the earth”.  I am including two attempts to convince you to participate:

First, from one of my favorite theologians, NT Wright:

God’s Power Does Not Excuse Human Despoiling

It all depends what your ‘faith’ is. If you believe that the present world of space, time and matter is basically trash, from which we are supposed to be rescued, then who cares?

But if, with Jews and Christians, your ‘faith’ is in a good creator God who has promised to set the world right at last, dealing with its corruption and decay and setting it free from all that to become even more gloriously what it already really is, then of course you will cherish and celebrate the natural world and care for it in all kinds of ways.

Put it like this (what follows is based on Romans 8.18-26, one of the central passages in one of the central Christian texts of all time). If I said, well, I find it difficult to struggle against sin – but one day God will save me and make me totally his, so why bother in the present? – if I said something like that, every pastor worth their salt would tell me that what God intends to do with me in the future must be anticipated, as best I can in the power of the Spirit, by me in the present.

Now, Paul declares that God will set the whole creation free from its slavery to corruption, and will do so under the glorious rule of his redeemed people. If we say ‘Well, that’ll be fine when it comes, but for the moment there’s no point bothering to do anything about it ourselves’, we stand rebuked in just the same way. You wouldn’t say of the person you love best in all the world, ‘Well, one day we’ll be married and I can be kind to him/her then, I needn’t bother for the moment.’ In the same way, to say ‘Well, God will do whatever he wants with this world eventually, but for the moment I can continue to pump carbon emissions and other harmful gases into its atmosphere,’ is simply illogical.

Secondly, if that didn’t convince you, think about the possibilities that would come out of an hour spent in candle light with a loved one, your spouse or your children.  Removing the distraction of any “screens” (yes, computers and TV’s count as some sort of light), perhaps much needed conversations or snuggling could take place.

Think about it.  Turn out the lights.

Do a brief search of the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says “Follow Me”.  The Scriptures record Him saying  it to fishermen, to a tax collector, to a rich young ruler, to His disciples, to would be disciples, talking about His sheep, to those who would serve Him, and to one who had his eyes on someone else asking “what about him?”.  It is the call of Jesus to all of us…”Follow Me”.

I wonder how you view this call.  What do you imagine as you hear His words?  Do you see a mighty general commanding his army?  Do you see a friend motioning for you to walk with him along a certain path?  Do you see the leader of a group on a quest?  Or do you see a boss directing the words at his employees?  Truly the pictures that may come to mind are as vast and numerous as humans upon the earth.  For my part, I imagine an invitation to dance.

Now on the dance floor, there needs to be one leader and one follower – or else the dancers look awkward or too stiff or almost fighting one another.  If the man is particularly a strong leader, he can really lead his partner through the dance without her needing to know the steps.  She, however, must give in to him and his leading of her; she cannot try to do her own thing nor try to anticipate his next move.  Her role is to simply listen to the music, follow his lead and trust him.

So it goes with me and Jesus as He invites me to follow Him onto the dance floor.  He knows what He is doing and holds me firmly but for my part, I must be aware of how He is leading me – a slight swoop to the right, a squeeze on my hand as a cue to move toward Him, or any slight nuance as He leads and guides.  I must trust Him fully and, in many ways, forget myself.  I am not trying to calculate the radius of the next twirl or the number of steps until the dance is done.  I simply give myself to the Leader of the dance and the One who has invited me to follow Him.

Dance, then, wherever you may be;

I am the Lord of the dance, said He.

And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be,

And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said He.

(song:  Lord of the Dance)

Seattle to Dallas/Fort Worth to Gulfport, Mississippi by plane….renting a car to drive to somewhere in Louisiana…hotel, rehearsal dinner, photographing a wedding….driving back to Gulfport, flight to Dallas, dinner with a friend, a few hours of sleep, flight to Phoenix….attend a memorial service, share tears, connect with a few old friends….sleep…back on a plane to Seattle.  THAT is what the last five days have held for me!

Moments of joy, moments of deep conversation, moments of creativity and moments of grief.  And the one constant in these tumultuous few days?  The baggage I carried.

Now, I try to travel light but my backpack – fully stocked with all my camera equipment and laptop – makes me look a little like a turtle with a massive shell on her back.  But it is easy enough to get around with.  I pull out what I need from it, use it and then put it back.  It stays behind me and allows me to have my hands free.

My little red bag however, is a bit of a different story.  Though not very big, I can pack a lot into it so it tends to get heavy.  I continuously need to switch arms as I carry it.  It rubs along my leg and creates a raw patch of skin or it stays in front of me, needing to be carried by both arms at the crux of my elbows.  It is cumbersome for me to carry (perhaps because I am vertically challenged) and almost impossible to run with (which I know firsthand from the airport in Mississippi!).  The worst part is when I am alone on a trip and don’t have anyone to “watch my bags for a moment”.  I have to take it with me wherever I go.  Even when I just want to grab a bite to eat, it turns into a master juggling act as I try to hold a cup of hot coffee in one hand while precariouly balancing a bowl of oatmeal on top of the cup (can you tell where I went for breakfast?) all while clinging tightly to the baggage in the other hand.

Yes, in the last five days I have lifted, shoved, opened, closed, heaved, crammed, balanced and lived with my little red bag.

Then, on Monday night, as I sat at a memorial service….God spoke.  His words were from Hebrews 12.

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…”

And I got the picture of me walking down the aisle of that church with my little red bag and leaving it on the front platform/alter area.

It was at that moment I realized I have been carrying around “stuff” that hindered me from running the race that God has set before me.  Even though my bag was small and I could still function in everyday life, it was taking up space and using up energy and God wanted me to be done with it.  In my mind’s eye, as I pictured turning and leaving my baggage there, I heard Him explicitly say, “That is done.  DO NOT pick it back up!”

As the memorial service ended, we were invited to stand and sing.  As I rose to my feet, I realized that because I had laid aside that encumbrance, my hands were free.  There was no weighty bag to shift and juggle and keep balanced.  My hands were free to raise in worship to the glory of the God who had taken my baggage!  My hands were free to say (along with my heart), “Yes, Lord.  I will lay it all aside and RUN the race with endurance.”  It was good to finally release that load!!

And…just as a side note:  as a symblolic act of obedience, on my way home from Phoenix to Seattle….I checked my little bag.  I handed it over to the airline and let them carry it home for me!

Lord, Thank You – for Your word, for the little red bag and for Your call to lay it aside and RUN the race.  Help me to leave it there.  But when I am tempted to pick it back up, help to remember its cumbersome heaviness and also the freedom of lifting empty hands in worship to You!

The following is an excerpt from A Requiem for Love by Calvin Miller.  It speaks of self-denial, discipline and living open handed.  To me it speaks of how I am trying and learning to live during Lent. (Just a couple of notes:  the book is a poetic re-telling of the story of creation and the fall; Sanctuary is the garden of Eden; Regis and Regina are Adam and Eve.)

“There’s frost in Sanctuary!”

The Father-Spirit turned his head away in grief.

Regis and Regina were dumbfounded,

To know Earthmaker cried.

“You cry because of frost?”

Prince Regis asked.

“I weep because you willed

The coming of my enemy.

Notice how his recent presence

Spoils Sanctuary.

Where he stood the grass is dead-

The air too cold for any possibility of life.

Were he to have the scepter he desires

The world itself would die.

Evil lives in Sanctuary at your summons.

See his arctic scar on this good place.

Have you satisfied your longing?

Laid your appetites to rest?

Or, will you seek My enemy again

Till all this garden lies in ruin?

Can you now see how his hate

Can canker entire galaxies,

And spread contagions that infect the very stars?”

An awful silence came.

The man and woman, downcast

In their shame, at length

Raised both their heads and pledged,

“Father,

Never shall we will

The death of love.”

The Father-Spirit loved them.

“There is only one real power

That you should long to own: Self-denial!

Spend all you have to purchase it.

Lust after chains of servanthood – never thrones of pride.

For servants, worn by willful drudgery,

At last wear diadems.

Bridle all desire: For having what you want,

Will leave you groveling in wantonness.

Feed yourselves with hunger,

Then savor all you slowly eat.

Thus, self-denial will give you richness but keep you from excess,

Use this world, do not consume it.

Never pursue pleasure, rather let it find you…

At the end of every day…

Where you made discipline your friend.

For pleasure never comes in what you hold,

But in what holds on to you – compelling you to care.

Should life call you to be a martyr,

Do not despair

For those who would die for great reasons,

Also find great reasons for their living.

Think not that gaudiness is beauty

But simple ornament

Which lives only to reflect the light around it.

Turn from all desire to have,

Lest what you seek to own,

At last owns you!

Make no hour heavy with doubled greed

Rather let a giving spirit make you rich with sleek humility

That runs through troubled times

Grow rich by giving up your purse.

Lay by your mace and rule.

Release your grasp and in your open hand

You’ll find the world.

Die and greet the life-force

Created by your willful death.

For self-denial does empower the soul,

And those who hold their need to rule at bay,

Are kings and queens with empires in their sway.”

There is no such thing as simply personal, individual sin…. Just ask Adam.

With a small act of disobedience all the forces of hell were unleashed on the world.  The greedy, black fingers of sin were invited into the holiest of places in a moment of distrust.  All creation itself became locked in a prison and cried out with groanings as the gates clanged shut.

In a moment of choice the seemingly insignificant pebble of sin was dropped in the water and the ripples have caused tsunamis across the world and throughout the ages.

A Pharaoh made a decision and thousands of babies were killed, including (eventually) the first-born of his land.  A leader in a local church responds in anger and self-righteousness.  His reactions become a grenade thrown into the middle of a local congregation sending shrapnel into the bystanders.

There is no such thing as just personal, individual sin.  If there was we could contain it, but as it is each transgression becomes an interaction with the mythical Pandora’s box.  Some sinister creature always slips out before we can get the lid back on.

My anger or unbelief or ____________ (insert sin-of-the-day here) affects my children which in turn affects their relationships, their future, etc.  The decay unleashed on the earth through those first bites of disobedience means I hurt with a family whose father is trapped by the cloud of Alzheimers.  It means I grieve with my friends who now have a dead baby – 11 days before his due date.  Our country’s greedy choices mean we watch on the news as our cities fill up with “tent cities” – dwelling places for those who have lost theirs.

Sin brings death in so many forms and its ramifications are incalculable.  It there is anything the Lenten season reminds us is that sin is a big deal to God.

*it causes death and decay

*it severs relationships

*it destroys families and nations

*it causes all creation to groan for release

*it is never an isolated incident. it always gets away and leaves its mark elsewhere.

You see, there is no such thing as simply personal, individual sin….Just ask Jesus.

Over the past few years, I have enjoyed reading much about Celtic Christianity.  While I have been intrigued with a great deal of the Irish saints, there is none the equal to Patrick.

He was born into a Christian household off the coast of Britain, but wanted nothing to do with his family’s religion.  It is said he didn’t even believe in God.  Then, at the age of 16, he was captured by some Irish raiders and transported to Ireland where he was forced into slavery for six years.  It was there – lonely and ill clad – that he began to hear God calling to him and eventually gave his life to Christ.  It is also here, out in the fields, that he learned to pray and listen to God.  At the end of six years he heard a Voice saying, “Your hungers are rewarded; you are going home.  Look, your ship is ready.”

He escaped, a runaway slave, and walked for over 200 miles.  When he reached the coast, there was a ship there waiting to take him to the continent.  He finally made it home.

After a duration of time, he had a dream in which a person named Victoricus came to him with a pile of letters.  Patrick picked one up and read “The Voice of the Irish”.  At the same time he heard Irish voices crying out to him saying, “We beg you to come and walk among us once more.”  As Patrick awoke, he knew he was to return to the land of his captors – this time in the name of Christ.

There is much to be read about Patrick but one thing is certain he LOVED the Irish people.  Of course, he wanted to bring Christ to them, but he came to them as a friend and a reconciler.  He moved in and among them and won their affections and eventually won many of them for Christ.

Here is a prayer attributed to Patrick known as “St. Patrick’s Breastplate” (because of those parts of it which seek God’s protection).

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ’s birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

In light of the words that I hear most often on the news these days – “ECONOMIC DOWNTURN” – I thought I’d post a couple of links to some thought provoking blogs.

What will the people of God do during these times?  What does God call us to do?  Is the hand of God in the current economic status?  Have we followers of Jesus (in America) bought in to more of the American Dream than into God’s dreams?  With the stock market ebbing and flowing, where will we choose to invest?

Christine Sine writes an interesting post in Lent – Finding Freedom in the Desert

David Malouf has one entitled How Many Recessions in 2009?

For me, I have been challenged by a section from Romans 12 where Paul says “Share with God’s people who are in need”.  I am convicted that I do not often do that with those around me (sometimes because I do not know they are in need), but I especially do not think about those brothers and sisters in Christ in other places in the world.  What does it look like for me and my family to “share with God’s people who are in need”?  And how do we get the resources into the hands of those in the family of God who are around the world?   As these questions churn in me, I want our children to participate in the sharing as well.  So what will that look like? AND as I ask God to “Search me, O God, and know my heart…” I know He is finding places in there that are miserly, calculating and hoarding.  I want to “share” because He asks me to, but in the act of obedience I also want Him to transform my heart.

Lord, give us, Your church, a vision of what You desire from us during these economic times.  Teach us to live with open hands and hilariously generous hearts and lives.  May we give out of obedience and find that our hearts are changed as we share what we have with Your people.  Give us eyes to see those who are in need and give us Your guidance as to how you would have us give.  As we take care of one another, may the world see You and know that we are Yours by our love for one another.  Amen.

I have many thoughts, words and images swirling in my head but since it is Sunday I thought I’d go in a different direction.  Sundays are not counted in the days of Lent because, as far as I understand, they are still to be celebrations of the resurrection of Jesus.  For although we are people who are walking in Lent right now – looking at our sin, living in self-examination, opening our hearts to the work of the Spirit – we must never forget that we are really Easter people.  We are people of the resurrection, of joy, of great hope, not defined by our sin but by the freeing work of Jesus’ death and resurrection.  We are deeply known and a superabundance of love and delight have been poured out upon us. We are a redeemed people living within God’s great plan of redeeming all creation.

This last week I had a glimpse of Easter.  Now I must say it was not some grand, world-changing event.  It was a mother’s glimpse of Easter – seen in the life of my daughter and whispered to me by God.

For years my husband and I worked in youth ministry, and I loved it.  I loved making sure that students felt embraced when they walked in the room, that they had someone to sit with, and they knew someone would remember their name when they came the next time.  I loved picking kids up and going to the mall, going to track meets, and having overnighters.  I loved having conversations about life and God with junior highers and high schoolers – really believing that they could walk with God and be His agents of change in their worlds.   I loved in the Scriptures where Paul says “I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls” and I tried to live that out with our students.

It was a sad time in my life when God took us out of that realm of influence and began to lead us down new and different adventures.  For the past several years, I have had to wrestle with Him about where I serve in His body.  I had to box up all those times, passions, and memories (and places I felt comfortable and good in) and give the package to God – trusting Him to do with it what He desired.  It was the death of a dream and I had to lay it and leave it with Him.

Then this last week, as I picked up our daughter from youth group, God whispered some Easter words into my heart.  I went to the door of the house where the kids meet and I met her small group leader.  As I did, it was as if God said “Tara, you are meeting yourself”.  (I was slightly confused and thought that was a little strange and perhaps self-centered on my part.)  Then, as we drove home, He poured words into my soul that brought me to tears.  He let me know that He still had the dream that I left with Him many years ago in His hands.  He had not forgotten one single event, activity, deed, dollar, minute, or prayer that had been given to Him through our ministry to the students.  And not only had He not forgotten, He is taking all those things that I thought had died and let me know that He is going to return them…and dump them out on our daughter.

That is my Easter glimpse.  To know the joy of a dream thought dead now poured out on my child.  To see her growing and walking in love for Jesus within a community who wants to deeply know her and love her.  To know that God does not forget those things given to Him in faith and love.  To feel that delight of the Father because He cares enough to tell my mothering heart these things.